5 Principles of Competitive Kindness; All Guests from Season 1 (Finale)

The Season 1 Finale episode focuses on the 5 key leadership principles of Competitive Kindness that emerged from the 10 guests of Season 1. The insights of compassion, integrity, humility, genuine authenticity, and vision-driven encouragement are designed to help you become the best version of yourself.

Each of the 5 principles are briefly discussed and segments from all of the interviews from season 1 are utilized throughout the episode. A special Fast and Friendly Five section of the guests will make you laugh and leave you inspired by the incredible advice. 

The Competitive Kindness movement builds…

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:06

Welcome to the Competitive Kindness Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Clark. What if the way you lead could change lives, not just results? We're building a movement, proving you can compete relentlessly for championships while elevating everyone around you. This is your competitive edge. Each episode will share stories and strategies to help you make an impact that lasts. So, if you're ready to win the right way, you're in the right place. Now let's get rolling. It's hard to believe that this is the season one finale of the Competitive Kindness Podcast. When I launched this podcast, my goal wasn't simply to interview remarkable leaders, it was to answer a burning question. Can you build championship organizations while treating people with dignity, compassion, and respect? After ten conversations with CEOs, presidents, conference commissioners, athletic directors, national leaders, military leaders, and best selling authors, I can say without hesitation, yes. Every guest had a different leadership journey, different personalities, different careers, different challenges. Yet they kept returning to the same principles. Today I want to share the five leadership principles that emerged from season one not because they're my ideas, but because they're the common threads woven throughout every conversation. Principle one competitive kindness is leading with compassion

Principle 1- Competitive Kindness, Compassion, and Courage

SPEAKER_02 1:54

and courage. Perhaps the biggest takeaway from this season was clearly defining competitive kindness. Competitive kindness is the relentless pursuit of excellence while intentionally elevating every person you have the privilege to lead. This mindset lifts the organization and its people to become the best version of itself. It demands accountability, it requires courage. It celebrates winning, but it never sacrifices the people in the process. The best leaders we've met don't choose between compassion and competition. They understand that those two qualities make each other stronger. Let's listen to this perspective from Dan Butterley, Commissioner of the Big West Conference.

SPEAKER_07 2:44

That's a big part of it, Rob. It really is compassion, understanding. I've learned that leadership isn't about avoiding hard decisions. It's how you make them. I lead with ethics, integrity, honesty, and transparency. Those all matter to me. Every decision affects real people, student athletes in the day-to-day jobs that we deal with, families, coaches, staff, institutions, and obviously the NCAA. I'm on a number of NCAA committees as well. Every decision that we make, every day that we lead, we have to have that understanding behind us. Transparency and honesty lead to understanding and compassion for challenges that are being faced. And we all know, Rob, every day in college athletics, every hour, there is a challenge that we're facing in college athletics. Compassion doesn't slow progress, it actually builds trust, which accelerates the change that we're dealing with. Again, being transparent. I'm a leader that is data analytics driven in many ways, but you don't lead from a spreadsheet. You really have to lead from relationships. I tell people that want to get in the business, it's pretty much 10% of what you know and 90% who you know. It's the way you've treated people, the way you move forward with the day-to-day endeavors that you do. You never know who is looking at what you're doing and who may be wanting to look at you for the next opportunity. You try to listen first, you communicate early. I think that's a big part of the things that we need to continue to do in college athletics right now. You need to be present during this uncertainty. And you can ultimately be decisive and still be humane. In fact, the best leaders are both. People first always, even when the decisions are hard, Robin. The decisions every day right now are hard.

SPEAKER_02 4:22

Let's hear from Andy Fee, Director of Athletics at UC San Diego.

SPEAKER_01 4:29

I tell people all the time, don't mistake kindness for weakness, right? I don't think kindness is a weakness at all. It's a strength. I think when people know that you genuinely care about them, they don't want to let you down. And I think that's much more powerful as a motivator than fear. To me, fear like probably makes people complain, right? Out of fear, they do something, they'll comply to something. But I think genuine investment in people makes them committed. And I think you can hold people more accountable when there's real trust. If someone knows I'm in their corner and I go to them with a hard conversation, I think they receive it differently than if they think I'm just managing them towards some outcome. And I think that's where accountability does land. I think when you have that relationship with somebody, uh, it doesn't create defensiveness. So, like to your point, if someone said kindness is softness or it is soft, I do not believe in that. Because I think being demanding and caring aren't opposites. Like I tell people all the time, I tell our coaches, I tell our athletes, like we should be demanding the very best from us. Like demanding does not mean demeaning. There is a line that can be crossed from demanding to demeaning, but we should demand and hold people accountable, and we can do it in ways that supportive and caring.

SPEAKER_02 5:56

Compassion doesn't lower the standard, it changes how we help people reach it.

Principle 2 - Genuine Authenticity

SPEAKER_02 6:02

Principle two genuine authenticity. Everything else begins here. Competitive kindness only works if people trust the person leading it. Throughout every interview, our guests reminded us that leadership isn't about pretending to have every answer, it's about being genuine, consistent, honest. People don't expect perfection. They simply want to know that the leader standing in front of them is real. Authenticity creates trust. Trust creates influence, and influence creates a lasting impact. Listen to this perspective from Dr. Chuck Welch, president and CEO of the American Association of State Colleges and Universities.

SPEAKER_05 6:51

Be you. Be who you are. Don't try to be something that you think you're supposed to be or that others think that you're supposed to be. Folks will see through that very quickly. I think a genuineness and an authenticity is so important. I don't like to wear ties, Rob. And I tell people if you see me in a tie, I'm either testifying before Congress or I'm in a cast it. Because that's just not that's not who I am. And I've had people be critical before. Well, don't you think as a president you should be wearing a tie? Well, that that's not Chuck. And I think about my own family experiences. My dad wasn't somebody that wore a tie, and I consider him one of the brightest people I've ever known. So I've always really tried to just be who I am, be approachable, be relatable. I tell new presidents, you define the position. The position doesn't define you. And one of my all-time favorite stories is when I was a president, and that is non-Southerners may not understand this terminology here, but we lived in a dry county, which obviously meant that there weren't alcohol sales in that county. And while I was president of this institution, the voters changed it so that you could buy alcohol. And I had an employee say to me, Have you purchased any alcohol since it since that happened? And I said, Yeah. And they said, You didn't go in the store and buy it on your own, did you? Yourself. And my response was, would it have been better for my eight-month pregnant wife to go in and buy this? I mean, uh, Ryan, I mean, you know, that's who I am. I I like to have a glass of wine or I like to have a beer. I'm not going to be falling down in the street. I'm not that, but I'm not ashamed by that. And I want to be real and authentic. So I think the best way that you can lead is by showing who you are, being willing to admit mistakes, being humble, being genuine. People will respond to that. People will see that. Hey, you know what? He's not trying to put on airs or live in an ivory tower or whatever the case may be. And they respond, and it's worked very well for me.

SPEAKER_02 8:55

Let's hear from Jeremiah Dickey, director of athletics at Boise State University.

SPEAKER_03 9:01

It it was important to me in part of my story of prioritizing my life, where God is first and foremost for me in my faith. My family is second, and then this job. And I constantly remind myself of that. And I think it's created a foundation for me that however good or bad my day is, it's never as bad as it seems. It's never as good as it seems that I'm grounded in my faith and in my family first and foremost. And I think that's impacted me and how I show up for my team because I don't ever want this job to be my identity. And that's hard when you're in these positions of power and strength and scary public facing. I don't want it to be my identity. I represent something bigger than myself, and that's first and foremost my faith. And then the family piece. And if I continue to remind myself of that, and it allows me to show up in the right mindset for my team, and it allows me to be more empathetic and have grace and patience. But then it also leads to important conversations like accountability and ownership and what I would define as crucial conversations. It's not perfect, but I'm not perfect by any means. There's a lot of failure, but I have amazing people around me who see my blinders and remind me what I'm missing. And as a leader, I have to be open to that because I know that it's important when how I represent from my chair and people are great as asset. It's important for my team, it's important for Bronco Nation, it's important for my community and state. And and sometimes leaving that out in action and saying sorry or I've missed something or owning it, I've I think created a very honest feedback loop with my team that really allows me to continue to grow as a leader.

SPEAKER_02 10:41

People don't follow perfection, they follow authenticity.

Principle 3 - Unshakable Integrity

SPEAKER_02 10:47

Principle three unshakable integrity. If authenticity is who you are, integrity is what you do when no one is watching. Every guest shared moments where leadership required difficult decisions, pressure, criticism, sacrifice. In every case, one message remain consistent. Protect your integrity. Winning fades, titles change, positions come and go, character stays with you forever. Leadership isn't measured by the easiest decision, it's measured by choosing the right decision, even when it's costly. Let's hear from Eric Kapitolik, founder and CEO of the program and special operations officer with First Force Reconnaissance in the United States Marine Corps.

SPEAKER_08 11:41

And that evening the Commandant of the Marine Corps came and spoke to our class of 25 soon-to-be infantry officers around this fire. And the commandant said, Men, warriors, people ask me all the time about how do you become a general? Like, there's a lot of politics in it and everything else, but what they really are asking is, hey, how can you become a success in an organization? Is what they're really asking. He said, Whether you spend four years or 34 years in my beloved Marine Corps, what I would suggest to you is do these two things as a leader. Number one, ensure your team accomplishes the mission. Winning matters. Ensure your team accomplishes the mission and always, always take care of your Marines, your teammates. He goes, Now listen, there's gonna be a lot of ways that you could take care of your Marines, your teammates. He said, Do it this one way. Make every decision you ever make in your entire life. Make every decision based on what's in the best interest of your Marines. Make every decision you ever make. Based on what's in the best interest of your family or whatever the team is that you're leading. Rob, I think that's the greatest answer I could give you to leaders out there about leading the right way, because you're gonna get it wrong sometimes. The answer is gonna end up being a mistake. But if your thought process of coming to that conclusion was I'm making this decision based on the team's best interest at heart, your team knows it. They're gonna know it. They'll forgive the mistake. As soon as you start making decisions based on what's in your best interest, well, they'll know that too. Ensure your team accomplishes the mission. Winning matters. Number one. And always take care of your teammates. Make every decision you ever make with their best interest at heart first. It's the right way to lead.

SPEAKER_02 14:13

Listen to this perspective from Kelly Dampfis, president at Texas State University.

SPEAKER_06 14:21

Here's the thing that I always try to remember that it's not about me. And here's an example. I use social media a lot. At the end of the day, I'll be posting about all the things I did during the day. And people say, Man, you you're always so busy. You're everywhere all the time. There must be two of you and so on. And I try to get everywhere I can. But I remind myself is that when people invite me, they're not inviting Kelly, they're inviting the president. And if I can keep that distinction clear in my head, I can keep my job clear in my head and I can keep the context of my life clear. Because if I start to think that, man, people think Kelly is hilarious, and people think Kelly is so great, and everyone wants Kelly at their events, I can start to get a big head about this and I start acting the wrong way, I think. But if I can remember that people want the president, people think it's important when the president shows up. People want the president's input, and people want the president to know what they're doing, that's different from Kelly. And so if I can keep that distinction in mind between who I am as a person versus what I do for a living, then I think I can be a better president. Stop thinking about how I'm trying to draw attention to myself, but try and attract attention to the people I serve, and that if I can add value by my presence, I'm doing it not because Kelly's important, but because the presidency is important.

SPEAKER_02 15:48

Talent may open doors, but integrity keeps them open.

Principle 4 - The Humble Champion

SPEAKER_02 15:54

Principle four, the humble champion. One of my favorite discoveries this season was noticing how often championship leaders redirected credit. No ego, no self-promotion, no need to prove that they were the smartest person in the room. The greatest leaders don't build followers, they build more leaders. Humility isn't weakness. Humility is confidence secure enough to let others shine. Ironically, the people most worthy of recognition were usually the ones trying the hardest to give it away. Listen to the story from one of the most accomplished leaders in the history of college athletics, Jeremy Foley, former athletic director at the University of Florida.

SPEAKER_10 16:40

I came out of Florida in 1976 to do an internship. And then I got hired full-time in 1977. And really, over the next 10 years, I got promoted almost every single year, more responsibility, different titles, more money, new contracts, more responsibility. So I rose up to where I was the number two person in the whole organization. It was smaller than it is now, but I'm doing exactly what I wanted to do and having incredible success. And it was sometime in the fall of 1986, a guy that knew our program, did business with our program, went to the University of Florida, obviously knew me, called me up and said, Jeremy, I'll come down to Tampa and have a lunch with me. And I said, I'm glad to do that, Leonard. And I drove down there because he was a good friend and a good dude. And we had a nice lunch, and after lunch was over, he said, Jeremy, you've done a great job in Florida. But until you learn how to treat people better, you'll go no further. And I was really taken aback. I said, Leonard, what are you talking about? Because I've never heard that in my life. He said, People don't like working for you. You don't treat them well, you cuss at them, you don't respect them, you don't trust them. Kenley, you've created a bad environment up there. And I was 33 years old, and that's a pretty hard thing to hear. And I kept getting those promotions, so I didn't have the benefit of leadership podcasts or leadership courses or anything. I just really taken aback. And long story short, I drove home, and the closer I got to Gainesville, the worse I felt because I realized he was right. I'd like to tell you I changed over in the 80s. I didn't because it's hard for a leopard to change his spots, but it became really important to me. And so the lesson that I finally learned and became part of who I was as a leader, and hopefully part of our culture was we're gonna learn how to treat and value and respect people. It's pretty simple when you reflect back now on a career. I may have been that letter director, I may have been quote unquote the leader. You're not leading anybody. You don't have people following you. If you look behind you and there's nobody there, and there's nobody behind me because I didn't value them, I didn't treat them, I didn't listen to them. It was one way to do things is my way. And that guy taking that time allowed me to realize that leadership is about investing in people, knowing people, learning about people, and trusting people, mentoring people. Obviously, we have to make decisions and the buck stops with us and all that type of stuff, but again, none of us are doing this alone. And once I've realized that you're gonna value people and understand that their contribution to the organizations are just as important as yours, then I think that's when I finally learned what this leadership journey was all about.

SPEAKER_02 19:20

Listen to this perspective from Tom Wistersill, commissioner of the Big Sky Conference.

SPEAKER_09 19:28

Well, I think over time I've learned that I have a very specific set of skills that I feel like I'm really good at these few things. I've also realized now, after 32 years in this business, there's a list of things I am not good at. And but I know what those are. I have a very clear vision for what those are. So I think taking that personal assessment of yourself is really important as a leader. And you have to know how to lean into those things that you're good at and use those to help move everybody forward, move you forward, all of that stuff. And then you got to surround yourself with people that are really good at your weaknesses, and then to and you got to be honest with them and the the team of hey, here I'm good at this, you guys are all good at this, let's work together, we're gonna be awesome together. But again, you gotta check your ego aside because we'd love to say we're all great at everything, but we're not. And uh so that's just something I think I've gotten better at over time. If 20 years ago, if you asked me this question, I would have said, I'm probably great at everything. I could do it. I'm at least uh I'm at least a B plus in everything. And now I say, hey, great, I'm an A in these areas and I'm a solid C in these areas, but I know that. And like I said, that's why I know when to ask for help in those areas that I'm not great at. And that's a sign of intelligence is asking for help. The opposite is not intelligent, thinking you know everything. That's where the ego gets in the way. And it's okay to ask for help because, like I said, none of us are A-level at everything.

SPEAKER_02 20:58

History will remember the humble.

Principle 5 - The Vision-Driven Encourager

SPEAKER_02 21:02

Principle five, the vision-driven encourager. The final lesson might be the most hopeful. Leadership is ultimately the transfer of belief. Every extraordinary leader we interviewed painted a picture of a better future, but they didn't stop there. They helped people believe that they belonged in that future, and that's competitive kindness. Seeing potential before others see it, speaking belief before confidence exists, refusing to let people define themselves by yesterday. Championship organizations aren't built by using people to accomplish a mission, they're built by the people helping discover what they're capable of becoming. When people feel valued, they perform differently. When people feel believed in, they become different leaders themselves. Listen to Jamie Boggs, Vice President of Athletic. Athletics at Grand Canyon University.

SPEAKER_00 22:04

Accountability is necessary for the development of the person. But if in any way that person or there's any intent to make that person feel badly or feel emotionally that you're personally attacking them, that's not accountability. That's just being a jerk. It's just being a jerk. And so if you have good relationships and are very transparent with the people that you work with, any type of feedback or constructive criticism shouldn't be more than a conversation. And I always make sure I invite conversation back. Well, here's where I think you need to improve, but want to hear your perspective as well. Because you don't know, you might have missed something that we don't know about because we're not in their world day to day. But any form of where it feels like oppressiveness to the person you're talking to, that's just a jerk. It has nothing to do with accountability. Yeah. I don't ever see how that makes things better. When people have a management style of, hey, you need to walk on eggshells all the time. When people don't feel they can freely express themselves, express their opinions. I don't see that as effective. Now, at the same time, sometimes you have to light the fire. Um, and when people get a little bit too comfortable with you, that does happen. When you have my type of style, people can get overly comfortable. So there are times when you do have to light the fire and you know, you do have to raise your voice a little bit. I never yell, I don't yell at anyone, but sometimes, guys, this is urgent. Okay. We can we can't, you know, sometimes you have to do that. But I don't find that to be oppressive. I think you just have to really know your people, make sure they trust you. And, you know, like I said, if they know that you care about them and you have that relationship, raising your voice a little isn't gonna harm that relationship.

SPEAKER_02 23:55

Listen to this from Brian Kite, founder of Dignus.

SPEAKER_04 24:01

Establish crystal clear standards with crystal clear boundaries and hold them. This is the way we're gonna do it. It's exactly what Kurt Signetti has done at Indiana. Everybody wants to know how he did it, and it's the furthest thing away from magical. All he did was the simplest possible version of this is exactly what it takes. This is what it needs to look like. It's going to look like this for anybody who plays here. And anything else that doesn't fit this is not going to be part of what we do. And I'm going to do it in a demanding but a caring way. I'm going to teach you how to do it. And I'm not going to change it based on your feelings or your personal preferences, whoever it is that you are. Now, just doing this doesn't mean that you're going to be good at it. Like you got to learn how to draw really good boundaries. And so early in your career, early in your timeline, I would hope you get a lot better at this over time. Signet has been around for a while. He's done this for a lot. Just drawing the boundaries doesn't mean it's going to work. But to get there, you've got to follow the principles. You can't draw fuzzy boundaries and then change it based on feelings and preferences and all these different things. You've got to figure out what works and what doesn't in order to do that. They will be really good people. And they just don't draw the boundaries where you do. They just don't want to work like that, which is fine. But if you are the one who's leading it, you have to lead what you believe in the way you think it needs to happen.

SPEAKER_02 25:22

Now, closing, Andy Fee, Director of Athletics at UC San Diego.

SPEAKER_01 25:28

I think the other thing is being really specific about the vision of what we want to be and what we aspire to. Uncertainty becomes less scary when people feel like there's a destination, like a real destination and real leadership pointing towards it. We know where we're going.

SPEAKER_02 25:52

Shifting gears here, and now for

Fast & Friendly Five

SPEAKER_02 25:55

fun, here are a couple quick hitting, fast and friendly fives from this season's guests. All right, number one, go to hype music, artist or song when you need a boost.

SPEAKER_05 26:06

One of my all-time favorite songs is Uptown Funk, Baby O'Mahors that beat. Mary J. Blige. Right now from Van Halen.

SPEAKER_07 26:14

Because hey, there's no tomorrow. Tom Petty, I won't back down.

SPEAKER_09 26:19

I love some old school Van Halen. Give me some original Van Halen with David Lee Roth.

SPEAKER_03 26:25

Definitely Metallica. Probably inner CM.

SPEAKER_10 26:28

Always Bruce Springs team. I saw Bruce Springs team for the first time when I was a sophomore in college. I walked out of there going, that guy just changed my life.

SPEAKER_02 26:35

All right, number two. Go to movie when you need inspiration.

SPEAKER_05 26:41

Oh, that would be the movie I've seen more time than any other one in my life. It's Boys in the Hood. There is a Top Gun movie.

SPEAKER_07 26:48

I love that one. Probably the one that I like the most is Graveheart. Remember the Titans. Make sure they remember forever the night they played the Titans.

SPEAKER_00 26:58

So easy. Legally blonde. She's really girly. She loves clothes. And she is a smart attorney. I connect well with hers.

SPEAKER_09 27:10

For me, gimme stab brothers. I'm gonna laugh, and that's gonna change everything.

SPEAKER_02 27:15

Did we just become best friends? Yes, we did. Absolutely. If I need a boost, I usually go work out. Number three, one or two books that have impacted who you are.

SPEAKER_05 27:30

I'm a biography reader or autobiography reader. I like to read real authentic human stories and what drove people that were successful. Good to great by Jim Collins.

SPEAKER_08 27:43

Stronger fathers, stronger daughters. And one of the lines in the book changed my life. Be the husband you would want your daughter to marry. The leadership call sake was the colon power?

SPEAKER_00 27:56

The Bible. It's always going to be the Bible.

SPEAKER_03 27:58

Lead for God's sake, Who Moved My Cheese. And Way of the Shepherd is a great book.

SPEAKER_02 28:04

Number four, best leadership advice you've received.

SPEAKER_05 28:10

It's always about people. Everything comes down to people. Be kind to yourself.

SPEAKER_09 28:15

If you lay your head down at night, knowing you did right by the student athletes, that's usually the right decision.

SPEAKER_07 28:21

Always be honest. You won't ever get caught up in a lie.

SPEAKER_09 28:24

Never wrestle in the mud with pigs. You both get dirty, and the pigs like it.

SPEAKER_10 28:29

I cannot give you the recipe for success, but I will give you the recipe for failure. And that's trying to please everybody.

SPEAKER_02 28:35

Number five, who's a leader who shaped you and why?

unknown 28:41

Dr.

SPEAKER_05 28:42

Sugg trusted that I could do it. And I saw in him that humanity, that humility, that genuineness that I wanted to replicate and that kindness.

SPEAKER_06 28:53

Dr. Crouch, how can I ever repay you for what you've done for me? And he said, Kelly, you can't repay me because you don't have anything I want. But someday you'll be in a position of power. I don't know where you'll be in. I was probably like 30 years old. I was just a grad student at the time. He said, You'll be in a position of authority, and there'll be someone else asking you for advice or asking you for help. And when you do that for that person, that's how you pay me back.

SPEAKER_00 29:16

So many, but I still go back to the foundation, and that's my parents.

SPEAKER_02 29:23

As I reflect on these 10 conversations from this season from incredible people and leaders, I'm convinced this movement has never really been about a podcast. It's not about a book. It's about a choice. A choice to compete relentlessly, to serve selflessly, to lead courageously, to value people completely. My hope is simple. Someone listening here will encourage a teammate. Or have a difficult conversation with compassion, to lead with greater integrity, to choose humility over hubris, or to help somebody believe in themselves just a little bit more. Because if that happens, competitive kindness wins. Thank you to every guest this season, and thank you for listening. And to each of you, thank you for believing this movement is possible. We'll take a short break before launching season two. Until then, remember this competitive kindness is still the greatest competitive advantage you'll have. So dare to be kind. Thanks for tuning in. If today's episode got you fired up, please check out the book Competitive Kindness Winning the Right Way. Available on Amazon. Join the competitive kindness movement by sharing this with your friends, family, and colleagues. Also, I would love to connect with you, so please share your thoughts or stories with me on LinkedIn or on X. My handle there is at Rob Clark10. Remember, dare to lead differently. Dare to be kind.